I gave my washer and dryer the day off yesterday. They’ve been working non-stop for about two weeks now to help me maintain my tenuous grasp on this thing called an orderly house. Not that I’m completely there yet, but my floors, sinks and kitchen table are (mostly) clear so things are looking favorable.
Anyway, this morning as I loaded the slightly massive load of clothes accumulated in ONE DAY into the washing machine, a thought occurred to me: What if the reason my ancient washer and dryer still work at all is because of the many days off I graciously give them? What if my staying on top of things and being a “good” SAHM is actually sabotaging my appliances? Will my efforts be rewarded with a laundry room filled ankle deep in mucky water and hauling half-washed, soaking wet clothes and a cranky four year old to the Laundromat to have the little old lady that runs the place hover and critique my laundry abilities?!?!?!?
This isn’t just some crazy appliance paranoia either. My household appliances are prone to anarchy. There was the Great Appliance Revolt of 2007 wherein my can opener, DVD, VCR, blender, and microwave all decided to strike within two weeks time. The refrigerator periodically joined in the revolt, finally going down permanently in the summer of 2008. The fridge we have now is probably the 3rd or 4th one we’ve owned in the 9.5 years Christopher and I have been married.
Last fall, we had the Rodent Fairy Attack of 2009 which involved the hoses on my washing machine and the MOTOR of my dishwasher being chewed on by cute, thirsty little pink fairies that are kind of mean but not at all gross and icky. I am still without a dishwasher from that attack.
So, you see why I would be concerned. I could push it and hope they do follow in the footsteps of all of my other appliances. After all, they were probably made around the time I graduated from the fifth grade. Appliances are expensive, though, and so rather than a nice, shiny new washer and dryer combo like they give away on The Price is Right, I’d most likely end up with the least scary option from JimBob’s Used Appliance Barn or whatever could be rounded up on CraigsList. That or spend the next several months getting advice on how much fabric softener to use from the slightly creepy nice Laundromat lady while sweetly telling my little darling NO we are NOT DONE YET! GET OUT of that CART! You’ve already played Ms. Pac-Man FIVE TIMES, eaten some half melt-y M&Ms and have TWO stick-on tattoos. I’m NOT giving you ANOTHER QUARTER!!!!!!
I think the only way to solve this problem is to instigate a “Clean Clothes Every Third Day” rule. Either that, or start making people shower with their clothes on. That would take care of two things at once and the only clothes I’d have to wash would be my own. Hmmm….
In the meantime, I should probably offer my washer a bribe to keep up the good work.