Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Pregnant Dreams - 1984 style

WARNING: What you are about to read is fiction concocted by hormones, staying up too late and eating one too many sour gummy bears. (Okay a few too many. Okay a few too many handfuls.) It should in no way be construed as fact, or even my own opinion.

Last night I dreamed I was sitting in the waiting room at my doctors office with my mom. I was half listening to the news on the television while we waited when something was said that caught my attention. In my dream, the CDC issued a statement that all pregnant women needed to receive boosters of ALL the vaccines they had previously. If they were not vaccinated, they should aggressively begin catching up on all the recommended vaccines.

Now, I am not necessarily against vaccines. I am, however definitely against injecting substances into my pregnant body, some of which were previously thought to pose a serious threat to my developing baby. I sat there trying not to worry too much about it. I mean, it was just a recommendation, right? So I should have a choice, right? And doesn't it usually take a while before the new recommendations are implemented in every doctor's office?

I had just relaxed enough to start thinking about something else, when out marched a small army of nurses clad in green hospital scrubs. They swarmed the room, seeking out the pregnant women, vaccine number one in hand. When one came to me and started setting up, I looked at her and said, simply, “No.” She didn't say anything and walked off.

Still in shock at the craziness, mom and I sat there trying to decide what to do. Out of the corner of my eye I see the same nurse approach, syringe in hand, ready to do a sneak attack with it this time. I stood up and shouted “I said NO, get away from me!”

Well, now they have a mad, crazy pregnant lady on their hands. So they bring out a few of the motherly staff members I recognize to try to calm me down and sweet talk me into going along with it. I continued to refuse, saying I'd go somewhere else if they continued to pressure me. For some reason I never just got up and walked out.

That's about where I woke up. Then I spent at least ten minutes mentally working out my response (I do NOT CONSENT to ANY vaccines at this time!) immediate action (get up and WALK OUT) and plan of action for the rest of my pregnancy (find a midwife and have a home birth) should anything like that ever actually happen. Not that I think it will.

And, don't most mom's crazy pregnant dreams lean more toward their baby having two heads, or giving birth to a puppy or something that you can wake up and say “Wow, that was nuts! Glad that was just a dream,” and move on. Instead, I get a crazy, big-brother-government-conspiracy-type dream that's just enough out there to still seem to be in the realm of possibility. So now instead of “Wow, that was nuts!” I'm left with “That would never happen....would it?” and wondering if I'm much more of a conspiracy theorist than I thought.